Do not ask who I am and do not ask me to remain the same.
More than one person, doubtless like me,
writes in order to have no face.

Michel Foucault

Thursday, September 6, 2012

50 MORE SHADES



Chapters 3, 4, and 5 under my belt and at this point…I wish I were Christian Grey, although I reserve the right to change my mind later in the story. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to be rich, ultra-handsome, and apparently…in control of everything and have the ability to track/stalk the whereabouts of your love interest through an app downloaded from the internet computer web machine thing. Oh, and have that pretty woman melting at your feet and have your own helicopter. That said, CG sounds creepy with many of the things he says. I mean, the guy is always ultra-calm, ultra-cool, and always gets his way. I dunno…I think that’s bullshit in the real world. As well, it’s almost as if I am reading a vampire story and CG is about bite Ana’s neck. Truth is; the storyline could have gone either way, but then again…the world has enough vampire stories.

Here’s the setup…

Anastasia has decided the CG relationship is not going to work out. CG has warned her of his past (sort of) and has sort of let her go back to her own life. The writer is slowly introducing her CG character with great innuendos regarding his attention toward women. It’s apparent that CG wants Ana, but tells her to go away, then buys her really expensive first edition novels, then saves her from herself after she has inebriated beyond good sense and gives him a cell phone call in the middle of the night. Of course, CG being the enterprising entrepreneur god of all things, tracks her location through, “software anyone can get off the internet.” Ah…yeah…not so much, but this is fiction, right?

At this point, having been in similar situations, I can relate, but then my bullshit meter kicks in and I am thinking…really? It’s not like there is a relationship between the two, and she seems a bit naive. If I were CG would I pounce her bones? Probably, but not track her down to do so. Then again, the point is to keep the pages turning. So far, a good job—entry level writer aside.

The writer continues to expand the he said/she said tag with things like,

After you passed out, I didn’t want to risk the leather upholstery in my car taking you all the way to your apartment. So I brought you here,” he says phlegmatically.
“Did you put me to bed?”
“Yes.” His face is impassive.
“Did I throw up again?” My voice is quieter.
“No.”
“Did you undress me?” I whisper.
“Yes.”

WTF?

Phlegmatically?
  1. Of or relating to phlegm; phlegmy.
  2. Having or suggesting a calm, sluggish temperament; unemotional.
My thoughts are the writer meant #2, unemotional, but why use such a confusing word? My editor, if I had one, would shoot me.

Next thought…Ana wants to know if they, well…here:

“We didn’t-?” I whisper, my mouth drying in mortified horror as I can’t complete the question. I stare at my hands.
“Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive,” he says dryly.

Mortified horror? A few pages ago she was burning for his bones, and now she is mortified they may have done the dirty? With that, she stares at her hands. Now I would think she would have checked her crotch. Seriously ladies in the crowd…don’t you know when you have had sex? Honest question!

CG likes his women “sentient and receptive.” Does the writer understand sentient and receptive are synonyms? Oh and there is, he says dryly.

I hope I can get through this dialog. Lastly, while reading, I thought about how many young billionaires can there be. Turns out, there are quite a few. Most look like nerds—Zuckerberg—but there are a couple of handsome ones. Here’s Alejandro Santo Domingo Davila and he is worth something like nine billion bucks.

  
I suppose one would consider him handsome.

3 comments:

  1. Wasn't this originally written as Twilight fanfic? That would explain the vampire-seeming stuff. And yeah I don't think you'd look at your hands if you were worried you had sex.

    I remember one book I read a couple months ago where "a door closed flatulently." I was like WTF? I'm killing myself to get rid of adverbs and this editor is letting doors closed flatulently. Yeesh.

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  2. Correct my dogged friend. It was called Master of the Universe. Funny how a fan-fiction piece can be reworked into 50 Shades. Honestly, all you have to do is read the novel and see Twilight all over the place. Basically, Edward Cullen is Grey and Bella Swan is Anastasia. I suppose the lesson is, write fan-fiction or simply copy and paste a successful novel, change some names, take it to the next level, and you are famous. sonovabitch.

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  3. Right on, (Boy, does that date me or what?) but you and I agree completely on the success of this mediocre... no it's a piece of crap. Man, was she lucky to hit the right audience and get the hype needed. I don't think she even used an editor! Awful writing!

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